Everybody Panic: Taco Bell Is Running Out Of Tortillas

You don’t expect the sun to run out of shine. You don’t expect the Earth to stop spinning. There are certain constants that we assume will remain no matter the circumstances, and would only vanish under dire apocalyptic scenarios. But, impossibly, it seems like we may be facing one such resource shortage that could potentially doom us all. We’re not talking about the intensely sobering fact that 600 million people in India are facing the worst water shortages in the nation’s history. No, Taco Bell has run a little low on tortillas.

Burritos, quesadillas, and the beloved beef Frisbees known as Crunchwrap Supremes are all affected by the shortage. In a mad PR scramble to save face, Taco Bell said that people near stores affected can try other items, like the Power Menu Bowl — a dish made up of everything usually inside of a burrito, but instead served in a black plastic bowl that doesn’t digest as easily as a flour tortilla. The bowl has long been one of Taco Bell’s healthier offerings, which is why you’re hearing about it for the first time right now. Its entire lifespan has been drowned out by tacos made of Cool Ranch Doritos and burritos that are also quesadillas, in open defiance to the laws of God and man.

If the shortage is stopping you from getting your fix of beef-injected flour tubes, blame the tortilla suppliers for forcing Taco Bell to serve tacos.